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Posted by on Mar 28, 2014 in Carousel Feature, Fishing | 1 comment

How NOT Having Sex Can Help You Catch More Fish

Sex can have a serious impact on your fishing success—or lack thereof.

They say that timing is everything, and they are correct—especially when it comes to the relationship between sex and catching fish. Yes, there is one. Not for everyone, mind you, but specifically for married couples of child-bearing age. As those of you who have experienced the miracle of childbirth already know, from the third trimester to the time your child is grown and out of the house (approximately 32 years, in this day and age), your fishing time will be substantially reduced.

Lenny fishing

This man will do ANYTHING to go fishing.

The real crunch-time, however, comes in the last month or two before the child is born, and the first four months thereafter. When your wife is eight months pregnant and can’t so much as waddle across the room to get the remote, do you seriously think you’ll be allowed out to go fishing? With a newborn in the house, how can you possibly think that disappearing for an entire day will lead to anything short of the frying-pan-over-the-head treatment? Get real.

The question is, how can you do something about this six-month fishing ban? You can’t. One thing I learned through experience, however, is that you can time the birth of your child to coincide with the slowest fishing months of the year. That way, at least the fishing you’ll miss won’t be right in the middle of a hot bite.

baby

Awww, isn’t he cute? Now put away your fishing rods – for the next six months.

Timing is Everything

If, for example, you live in the northeast, you need to plan for the miracle of birth to happen in early December so you only lose November through April. By the time the spring run begins, your wife will be so sick of you she’ll practically kick you out of the house the first sunny day. That means the pregnancy must begin in May, so you need to practice abstinence from June of the previous year through April. Yes, this may in some cases lead to divorce. But in that sad event, just look at the bright side: you’re no longer at risk of a midsummer miracle, which would screw up your entire fishing season.

The birth of a child is not, unfortunately, the only thing that can mess up your fishing. Here are some other events you need to time correctly, to ensure you get in your time on the water:

  1. Moving and home-buying. Obviously, you should plan moves in the middle of the winter freeze if you live in the north, and during the summer doldrums if you live in the south. One exception: Ice-fishermen need to aim for that narrow slice of time between open water and thick ice.
  2. Funerals. No, you don’t have much control over the timing. But they present an excellent fishing opportunity. A deep sigh followed by a few tears and “I need to do something to get my mind off this. Do you mind if I go fishing tomorrow?” almost always works. Trust me.
  3. Vacations. These should be taken during the worst part of your fishing season, in places where it’s the best time of year for fishing. Don’t breathe a word of this to your wife. “Discovering” that the fishing happens to be good in an unplanned manner boosts your chances of getting out for a day or two. You can trust me on this, too.

1 Comment

  1. Always plan kids around tarpon season!