Buy Boats, Sell Boats, Review Boats

Posted by on May 31, 2013 in Fishing, US | 4 comments

Fishing Friday: Save the Fish!!!

Those finned critters are cannibalistic law-breakers, and we need to save them from themselves.

According to PETA (a political organization named after a type of flat-bread, because its members have the collective intelligence of baked wheat) and ALF (a fuzzy space alien who leveraged his position as a TV personality to create an animal-rights group), fish are just as smart and just as able to feel pain as cats and dogs. Thus, it is cruel of us anglers to hook and catch them.

fishing

Cute and cuddly? Or, a natural-born killer? Either way, this finned critter will taste great. (Hint: chop into chunks, fry, and serve wrapped in PITA bread).

But before we cease and desist fishing, let’s consider the following:

1. Large predatorily fish need to eat lots of cute fuzzy baby fish, cuddly crabs, innocent invertebrates, and sweet little shrimp each and every day. By catching those big, mean, nasty predators, we fishermen save millions of blameless victims.

2. Fish are cannibals, and some—most—will even eat their own offspring. By catching, cooking, and eating these fish, we’re stopping a vicious cycle of cannibalism.

3. Billions of fish violate no-discharge rules several times a day, by excreting their bodily waste directly into the water. Every time you toss a fish into the cooler, you’re helping to save the environment and uphold maritime law.

4. Fish are brain-food. If we stopped catching and eating fish all of our brains would shrink, and then we’d have to join groups like PETA and ALF.

5. Fishing is the one thing that many of us humans depend on to calm our nerves and relax our over-taxed brains. Eliminate this form of recreation, and many anglers will go literally insane. We won’t be able to function at work, and economic mayhem will ensue. Bloody rampages are a distinct possibility, as is harakiri. Next comes mass hysteria, and the complete collapse of civilization as we know it.

So do the fish, the environment, and mankind a favor—clear your schedule, and go fishing.

More: Which is a better investment, fishing or therapy?

4 Comments

  1. This is probably the most biased, ill-informed, unprofessional, and overall worst article I’ve read on a subject like this.

    1. If a large fish eating a smaller fish is so terrible, what makes a human eating a comparatively smaller animal (a fish, in this case) so much better? (It doesn’t)

    2. If cannibalism among fish is as common as you say, human fishing isn’t going to stop that. Besides, by stopping a fish from eating another, you’re just leaving that fish vulnerable to one of the many, many other fish that would gladly eat it.

    3. Fish excretion is completely natural, and there are many micro-organisms in the water that will break it down into compounds that actually benefit underwater life. By lessening the amount of fish excrement in the water, you’re basically doing more harm than good.

    4. Nuts, vegetable oils, and leaved green vegetables can provide a perfectly adequate amount of Omega-3 Acids (The main component of “brain foods”) for the average person. The human brain isn’t just some sort of engine that runs on fish.

    5. Get a new hobby and stop whining, you won’t go insane. That’s something an elementary-school kid would say.

  2. Someone clearly doesn’t understand sarcasm….

  3. How could you not want to eat fish? They taste so good!

  4. Horrible article. Sarcasm that is not at all funny. While PETA is extreme, overfishing is a global issue. And it is possible to enjoy the sport while also respecting the environment and the fish, thus ensuring that future generations can enjoy the thrill of a big catch. How about being productive and encouraging those rather than writing this useless article?